The fear of rejection is a common struggling point for lots of guys. The male ego can be a stubborn beast to break down, and rejection by a pretty girl is often the worst thing the ego can imagine.
When you are just beginning and have had little or no experience approaching and meeting new girls, there will be a lot of rejection. You will get rejected by just about every type of girl. You will get rejected in just about every situation.
This is normally because you are doing lots of things wrong. There are so many components to a good approach: the right eye contact, the words you say, your body language, how you react to her reactions, your internal confidence, your social savvyness, how you react to her friends, how you react to unexpected things, how you look, how you dress, how quickly you talk and your voice tone… the list can comfortably go on for about a full A4 page. There is enough that goes into making an approach great that it is totally forgivable for a new guy to mess up a lot. With a little training, you can mould your approach into something that doesn’t get you shot down more often than a fat kid reaches for the chips.
Then comes the intermediate stage. This normally takes one of two forms. This tends to be either you are still getting rejected a lot, but every so often have a victory, or on the flip side you rarely get rejected but are having long conversations which don’t go anywhere.
The first of these is a result of doing almost all the components of a good approach right, but one or two bad habits persist. This is actually the easier of the two to fix – just work out which of the pieces of the puzzle needs work, and then concentrate on that. A friend you go out with who is good with girls or a coach will probably spot what you are doing wrong before you do. The other problem takes much more work to fix. If you are having long conversations which are going nowhere, it tends to be that your intent is not coming through strongly enough, and you are not being polarising enough. You need to come across stronger. She needs to feel as soon as you start talking that you are interested in her romantically and sexually. Not just romantically. She needs to KNOW that you are hitting on her. The sexuality that comes across in your approach should be evident in both your words and your sub communication (the sum of your body language, nonverbal communication, and voice tone and pacing). This should entail holding prolonged eye contact, facing her directly, telling her that you find her attractive, etc. Intent will be covered in more depth this week.
Finally you have the advanced level. This looks like a really successful version of the first type of intermediate guy. This is when you get rejected 4 times out of 5, and then on the fifth approach take home a stunner.
Guys at this level always want to know how they can improve their chances. They always want to know how to never get rejected, to finally avoid rejection forever. And only the true men at this stage will be happy with the answer: even the best get rejected more than they land the girl. A healthy dating life still has rejection in it, mainly due to you not matching what the girl wants at that moment in her life. Last week I had a particularly rough start to my day. I went out and it just seemed like there was hot girl after hot girl walking past me. So I had to go and meet them all. I got polite rebuttals 7 times in a row. To an untrained guy this sounds terrible. A few guys will be reading this thinking “This Paul guy knows nothing”. But the eighth pretty girl I saw was a little different. She had huge sunglasses on so that I couldn’t see her face properly until 3 minutes into the conversation and she took them off – at which point I realised she was jaw droopingly hot. It also turned out she “worked for Playboy” (if you meet a girl with a job like this, say “ok, cool” and then move the conversation onto another topic. Don’t ask about her job, act like it is no big deal). We spoke for about 15 minutes until she had to go to meet her friend. I took down her number, but as I do alot, completely forgot her name (I am dyslexic and have a terrible memory for names!). Calling her the next day I got her voicemail and she said her name. A quick Google returned thousands of results, and she had won two separate adult awards for her videos. I had just picked up an award winning Playboy bunny.
Now don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t happen every day. And at the end of the day, how to pick up a playboy bunny isn’t solely the result of a good approach. A good approach just gets you off on the right foot, after that you have to be able to build her attraction for you while forming a connection, while still not dropping the ball. And I couldn’t do this straight away for years. But this is the elusive advanced level. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Each rejection was only a few seconds long. It took me 15 minutes in total. And then I met a stunning Playboy model. Avoiding rejection totally is impossible, and thinking logically proves this. How can you get any girl? Do you really think that anyone can ever predict exactly how she will react to you, or what she wants in the moment you approach her? Do you think you can predict her mood, her history, her current life situation, her likes and dislikes in male fashion, her likes and dislikes in your looks and physique? You can never truly know why a girl rejects you. You may think it’s because you stumbled over your words, but she is thinking that you stumbling over your words was cute. You reminded her of the early days of her old boyfriend. She then rejected you because you reminded her that her old boyfriend slept with her sister behind her back. You can never know, and to think that you could somehow predict every girl’s life situation is both delusional and arrogant.
At the end of the day, you are reading this blog to learn how to get girls, and how to become happier. Try to understand that shooting to remove rejection completely will never, ever happen, and hence you will never be happy with your skills with the ladies unless you accept that she is at a point in her life that you can’t predict. You can only work on yourself and the way you approach her. This maximises your chances of getting hot girls, but will keep you sane in the long term. That’s the bottom line, you will always get rejected, at every stage of learning these skills and getting this handled. But in the end, the rewards for all those rejections are great. The richness that hot girls on tap brings to your life is immense. Oh and did I mention the sex? Lots of great sex. In the end, the rejections is a small price to pay.
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